Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
