Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
