I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
