I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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