you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
