i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
