you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
