just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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