There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
