Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
