I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
