I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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