Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
