also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize