She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
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I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
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She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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