It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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