I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
did i walk over a car last night?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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