He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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