Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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