I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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