I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
even my farts smell like vagina
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
