Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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