So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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