walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
