...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
