Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
