I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
