I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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