she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
