I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We are all done wearing pants today
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
