He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
