I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
