Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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