we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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