I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
