he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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