i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
