Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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