It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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