When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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