you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
