david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
