I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
