I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
