she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
