The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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