This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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