I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
this will be a night to untag.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think people are normalizing furries
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
