My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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