I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
