The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
