So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
