you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
