are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
