if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dear god my vagina.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
