this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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