I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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