It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
