I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
