Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
