He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
