if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
