The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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