I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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