Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She bit a glass in half.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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