he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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