i don't like sucking hair
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
