oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
