Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Church boner. Awkwardddd
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
